Here's the post you've all been waiting for. My take on soccer. Okay, so probably only a few of you have been waiting for it. The rest of you are probably saying something like: "Soccer sucks and Haaafs sucks for liking it." That's fair. Everyone has a right to their own opinion. Unless you hate soccer. Then your opinion sucks. But if that were true, then most of America would suck. Well... Let's face it, most people do suck. And I'm a full believer in that they suck because they hate soccer.
The other group of you reading this are probably saying something like: "It's football not soccer, you ignorant American." Look, I grew up calling it soccer. Just like I drive a car that has gas in it. It has a hood and a trunk. Petrol, boot, bonnet, flat? It all hurts my head it's so British. Basically what I'm saying is, I speak Americanese. It's some sort of mix between English and words some people made up a couple hundred years ago. But I'm seriously digressing... (This is how my brain works. Some kind of weird ADD or something.)
At any rate, soccer. Why the hatred in the US? Well, here's what most haters would say... They would say that it's too low scoring, too slow paced, and the players are a bunch of floppers. To be fair, the 3rd part is right on the ball (heh). But let's address the first two.
Too low scoring. This excuse comes from the people who want to see homeruns blasted out of the stadium every at bat in baseball. They want to see a 7 foot tall monster jump and dunk the ball as hard as possible, preferably while running a couple people over. These people cheer at a huge check in hockey, even when the result is a breakaway for the other team. These people do not appreciate sport. They just want to see huge people do ridiculous things. In my opinion, these people should just stick to watching professional wrestling. A real athlete requires not only strength, but also finesse. Who's a better baseball player? Ichiro Suzuki or Adam Dunn? If you said Adam Dunn, stop reading now. My words are way too truthful and right for you to be reading them with your stupid opinions overshadowing them. Seriously, I'll wait for you to leave. Alt+F4 if you need some help (and are using a Windows machine).
But honestly, being low scoring is a good thing! When it's down to the final couple minutes, there's nothing better than seeing a team down by 1 goal, trying their hardest to tie it up. Or a tie game, where one team HAS to win to move on in a tournament. Did you watch when Landon Donovan scored the game winner for USA in the World Cup Group Stage? If not, you missed one of the most exciting moments in sports history!
Here's the goal
Here's the reaction by fans all over the world
How exciting is it when a basketball team is up by 20 with a few minutes left? Or when a football team is up by 17 with 2 minutes left? Sure, that's not always the case with those sports. Buzzer-beaters are great in basketball. But exciting end-game scenarios with those sports are pretty rare. Most games in soccer are within reach when the second half goes into extra time.
And how about slow-paced. I guess I can sort of see how soccer can be slow paced at times. Finesse isn't something you just do instantaneously. You have to wait for the right opportunity. Just like how Ichiro waits for his pitch. Oh, speaking of baseball, if you say soccer is slow paced and watch baseball games everyday, you can leave, too. Your argument is immediately invalid. The same thing for football. Sure, there's more action when a play is happening. But then it stops and everyone stands around for a minute or longer if a commercial break is needed. Honestly, the only major sport I would consider faster paced than soccer is hockey. It's basically soccer on ice. Everything should be faster on ice. Oh, and NASCAR is faster. But yeah. Cars. Also, "sport".
And then we get to the flopping. Yes, soccer players flop. But try to name a physical sport where flopping doesn't occur... Guess what? You can't. Basketball? Ever seen a guy try to draw a charge? "Oh, I got nudged so hard that I fell backwards straight onto my back! I was so stunned that my legs could not work!" Hockey? Please. Again, drawing fouls. Tripping means you have to flop around and fly into the boards. Hit from behind? Throw your face into the boards to draw a boarding penalty. High sticking? Throw your head back violently, then fall to the ice, grabbing your face and look for blood. Football? Less noticeable. Occasionally you'll find someone fall on purpose trying to draw pass interference. But what happens a lot are fake injuries, especially in college. If a team is faster, especially if your team is on defense, don't be afraid to stay on the ground after the play is over. You'll get an injury timeout and your defense can rest. (This "strategy" has been used against the Saints a few times.) Your penalty? Well, the injured player has to sit out a play. All that means is that your star players can't be faking injuries. But your dime-back? Sure, why not. He's barely even on the team anyways. He might as well do something useful. The only thing soccer players are guilty of is being bad actors. That has always bothered me. Did your foot get stepped on? Fall down and grab your knee. Did someone bump you off the ball? Fall down and grab your knee. Did someone say inappropriate things about your family? Headbutt them and watch as they fall down and grab their knee. Did someone kick you in the groin? Fall down and cry, because that probably hurt a lot. Just like most sports, it's just done to draw fouls. The most dangerous position in soccer is a set-piece. Just like in basketball, the most dangerous position is, umm... having the ball in your hands. Just like how in hockey, the most dangerous position is being on the power play. (Unless you're the Boston Bruins.)
So say what you want about soccer. But it's really just like any other sport. You want to know the real reason America hates soccer? ESPN. ESPN refuses to show many soccer games. Sure, they show a few MLS games. But let's face it, MLS sucks. I want to see more Premier League, more Champions League, more La Liga, More Serie A. A lot of people get excited about the World Cup. You want to know why? Because for some reason, ESPN loves the World Cup. They will talk about it for hours and show every game they can. I'm glad they do, but they're missing out on some exciting European soccer games. People are pretty dumb. ESPN is a huge source for Americans who love sports. People will like and watch whatever ESPN says they should like and watch. Heck, even Texas Hold'em got big because of ESPN. They are solely responsible for the huge poker craze over the last decade. So get a clue, ESPN. Play more soccer games. And not that crappy MLS. The real leagues. Then Americans will start embracing soccer. It will take some time, but do what you do with all of the "American sports". Shove it down everyone's throats and they will learn to love it like the rest of the world.
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